The line of work that I do for a living has it’s many rewards. But none of the rewards I’ve earned while doing this line of work compares to the gem I’ve picked up recently. I’m certain this gem applies to all other fields, fields that are much more sophisticated than the field of work I’m in. In my line of work, which is blue-collar by nature, tends to be thankless, dirty, political, chaotic and downright fatiguing. This line of work has helped me develop core values as well as strengthen the values and principles I came into it with. By far one of the most important core values I’ve developed was to forego respect.
Now, I don’t mean that one shouldn’t value respect in the wholesome sense, when it comes to self-respect, bodily respect, safety, etc. And I don’t mean that one should lack ambition either. What I mean is:
- Do not do anything for respect
- Be a man of value
- Generate self-respect
- The Irony
Do not do anything for respect
Chasing validation in the form of desiring to be respected is like grasping at smoke. When we chase validation, not only does it evade us, it puts us at the mercy of other people. These same people are not superior nor are they inferior to us, yet the average person chases the validation in the form of getting respect from them to no avail. It actually makes them lose respect for us. More importantly, this causes us to lose our integrity. We lose the essence of who we truly are when we chase validation. Chasing implies that the object of our affection is running away from us, and just so long as we continue to chase, we are moving further away from our true life’s purpose.
Be a man of value
One of my core principles is to do what I believe in. It is how I do what I do for a living. I believe in serving people the best way that I can. I strive to be a man of value, as opposed to a doja, which is a person that allows himself to be taken advantage of and discarded. There is a clear difference between being a man of value and a doja. A doja has no boundaries and whores himself out for base pleasures while a man of value has solid boundaries around him. The man of value does what he believes in no matter what anyone says or thinks about him. This man does not care if anyone respects him because he understands that not everyone is for him and everyone is not obligated to respect him much less even like him. Unlike the man who chases validation, the man of value is not self-concerned every time he steps outside of his house. The man of value is only concerned with developing and giving his gift to the world. Through the process of developing this craft, this gift, he
Through the process of honing, developing, beating on his craft, the man of value generates self-respect. He is fully able to draw any emotional state from within because of the range of emotions his craft takes him through. His craft teaches him things about himself that he had never known. More likely than not, taking care of his craft means he has to take care of himself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Pouring himself into his craft means that he has to be in top-notch shape in all aspects of his being in order to produce the best work he possibly can. All of this self-love comes back full circle and transmutes itself into self-respect. He has set standards for himself therefore he doesn’t seek the validation of others in the form of respect. Others are fully able to love and respect him because he loves and respects himself.
The irony of the above is that when we forego respect, we gain respect. We do not seek it, it finds us. The man who does what he believes in while focusing on being of service to others, being a man of value, is ultimately respected. He doesn’t have to ask for it nor does he have to seek it. This comes to him similarly how sadness finds us. Notice we never have to go looking for sadness, typically nobody wants to be sad. Yet sadness comes to us without us even trying. The same goes for respect when we are just focusing on our purpose in life. When we focus on purpose, being of value we become full within, increasing our density, drawing respect instead of fishing for it. Everything a man needs can be found within. As a man, nothing is given, everything is earned, including respect.
Let’s not fall into the trap of seeking validation in the form of respect or any other form. It is important that we latch onto our God-given purpose and carry it out to its full extent. Just so long as we chase love, respect, attention, general validation, etc, we will be betraying our purpose.