How To Side Step The Victim Mentality: Why Mental Attitude is Everything

Reading Time: 8 minutes

In this article we discuss the ridding of the victim mentality by way of reconfiguration of mental attitude.

In order to rid ourselves of the victim mentality, we have to rewrite our inner programming. In order to rewrite our inner programming we have to go within.

Of course we have to go within, how else would we rewrite or change something that is inner?

But this isn’t too obvious to us. We spend time trying to change the outer before we even think about looking under the hood.

We try to manually rearrange the way our outer circumstances are without considering that they are that way because of our inner programming.

We look to politicians to be our saving grace when our personal circumstances don’t line up with our preferences.

Looking without while attempting to rearrange our circumstances how we imagine is fruitless.

Take this common thought experiment for example.

If you can go back in time, what would you change?

How would these changes effect your future?

In actuality, going back in time to change things you regret wouldn’t do much to change your present life or your future because you’re making these changes from the same software that created these problems in the first place.

Additionally, going back into the past would probably create a host of other problems as observed in the movie “The Butterfly Effect.”

This movie is fascinating to me because no matter how many times Ashton Kutchers character tried to change something in the past, he just couldn’t get it “right” in the present.

So, we must pop the hood to commence rewriting, rewiring and reprogramming our inner selves.

Here’s how.

A Series Of Attitude Changing Notions

Photo: Bradley Dunn

Human consciousness is complex. I don’t possess the full scope to get into all of it here but I do know one thing, the brain has the power to change the brain.

One of the things that makes humans special is the seemingly emergent, ghost like, hovering of consciousness over the encephalon(the brain).

With this emergent consciousness, we are aware. Awareness allows for us to run diagnostics. Diagnostics allows for us to see where problems may be lurking.

Once we find these problems, we can solve them. But more than that, we can rewire and reprogram to our preferences.

This is how we will approach the victim mentality.

Your Circumstances Are On You

Photo: Luis Villasmil

No one can keep you in your current circumstances. It is imperative that you take accountability for everything that is going on in your life.

Once you do this, you’ll instantly feel empowered.

This comes from taking a birds eye view of everything and saying to yourself:

I can do this. I can rearrange my life according to my preference.”

This is powerful. No more will you say that it is their fault. You will realize it is all on you.

You’ll go into problem solving mode instead of problem finding mode. You’ll think up solutions to revitalize your life.

Your life will take on a constructive feel to it. Every move you make will be strategically edifying.

You’ll be moving from a place of initiative instead of a place of helplessness.

Many times I’ve fallen under the influence of victim hood but not for long. I’ve used the emergent capabilities of consciousness to remain aware and reconfigure.

You Were Once A Helpless Child

Photo: Shitots Yuri

Once upon a time we were all babies. We were helpless little children who didn’t have control of the direction our lives went.

Our parents dressed us, fed us, clothed us.

Alas, we become adults!

People may have put you on your current trajectory but you can change the direction of your current path.

No one is telling you that all of this is your fault. But when you know better, you do better.

Accepting things for the way they are is a sure fire way to change them.

Denying that you have any responsibility in changing your current circumstance is guaranteed to further devastate your life.

When you keep placing blame on others, you disempower yourself every step of the way.

Not only do you disempower yourself, you lead yourself astray indefinitely.

There is always something you can do. Even if it means that you will “lose,” lose with dignity.

A Leaf In The Wind

Photo: Marko Blažević

Without taking responsibility for your current point in time, you’re like a leaf in the wind.

You’ll be blown here and there without any anchoring in anything substantial. That is what it’s like to have a victim mindset.

If you believe someone is going to come and save you, I feel sorry for you.

The politicians, institutions, your friends, family, none of them can save you. None of them will even if they could.

We are all selfish by nature. We live in a “what can you do for me society.”

When you possess a victim mentality you’ll repulse anyone within your vicinity because you’re signally lack of value to contribute.

You must maintain a solid effort to sustain a positive mental attitude that exudes true responsibility and accountability.

Reaction vs Response

Photo: Kyle Glenn

Reaction is an instinctive action to something dangerous.

Response is a cerebral, cognitive correspondence to an incident.

Many people think being reactive is bad. It isn’t. It is appropriate when used in the proper context. Such as being in the wilderness and having your instincts kick in in order for you to reactively jump out of the way from a falling branch.

Response is taking the appropriate response to a situation that doesn’t require a moments notice. In other words, you have time to think about your approach to the situation.

If a branch is falling from a tree, coming straight at you, you wouldn’t stand there to think about how to move, your fight or flight kicks in and you get out of the way.

Many people mix these two actions up.

People react to what they should respond to and respond to what they should react to.

Having a victim mentality is reactive. It isn’t conscious. It is also ingrained.

When we choose to be responsive to our circumstances it yields benefits regarding how we choose to move forward with our present lives.

Being reactive all the time sends us into a slippery slope of victimhood. It also leads to outrage burnout.

Choose to think rationally about your present moment circumstances be responsive rather than reactive.

I also want to mention that emotions are heavily involved in victimhood mentality which stems from reactivity which can color your current circumstances.

For instance, you’ve broken up with your significant other. In this moment you’re angry, upset, depressed. These emotions color the experiences you’ve shared with your ex in the past.

In the past you would have thought those experiences were wonderful. Now, you look back and you’re able to see all of the flaws clearly, or so you think.

I’m not suggesting you deny your emotions. When taking a more cerebral approach you are well aware of your emotions but you deal with them in a way that will keep your cognition intact.

Your emotions will always be there but you want to respond to them rather than react to them.

Reacting to them only leads you to a whirlwind of anxiety because you’ll be reacting to reacting to reacting. You’ll be caught in a loop of unproductive mental activity.

The one thing we should be coming away with is understanding that we have the power to control how we deal with our circumstances.

Control Yourself

Photo: Rohan Makhecha

We have to remember that we are 100% in control of ourselves. There are going to be people who want to change that.

They will try to get into your head and convince you that you’re a victim. This is one of the contributing factors to victimhood mentality.

Yes, there may be things you struggle with but that doesn’t mean that you’re a victim.

There are politicians out there who play on your emotions. They need to convince you that you’re helpless in order to gain more societal power. But this goes back to you, the individual.

What can you do within your own reasonable control to change your circumstances?

What can you do to deal with the things you struggle with mentally?

No politician can change those things for you. You have to be willing to do it yourself. You have to take initiative.

Exception: what IS in your control is how you cast your vote in your local elections. After that it is also up to you to hold elected officials accountable which is what most aren’t willing to do.

Connect With Your Divinity

Photo: Mariam Soliman

The creator has created you with inbuilt capability. You were designed with specific gifts and talents built in.

Find out what those gifts are and give them to the world freely. This is an effective way to engage with life from an empowering standpoint.

This gift that you give, you’re in control of it. You control how much you give, when you give, how you give and who you give it to.

The more you give this gift, the happier you’ll be. This doesn’t mean neglecting self completely in the process.

You have to be ready to receive as well.

If you’re in doubt as to how to find this gift, solitude, prayer and meditation are tools for digging up this gift.

I would say that this is one of the most important things you can do. Finding your gift connects you to life. I believe it’s one of the reasons why we were created. We all have something to contribute to here in this life.

Also, taking ownership of what God has given you also applies to material wealth or accruement of any kind.

For example, if you have a house, take care of it. Don’t expect anyone else around you to take care of your house.

Here’s another one of my favorite examples, I use to work for a small business owner who was disorganized and neurotic. One time he waited to the last minute to do critical paper work.

He always complained that we didn’t care about this company as much as he did, staying late, etc. I was always baffled by this as it was HIS company.

If you’re running your own business don’t expect others to care about that business as much as you do while playing victim.

Also, you can always remove a person from that role and hire someone more suitable. It’s all in your control.

You’ll find that I have no remorse for the victim mentality. You’re not entitled to anything at all. What you do have, what is given to you is all on lease. Your car, home, friends and family. They don’t truly belong to you.

When bad things befall you, do like the stoics did and acknowledge that “it was returned.”

What you will always posses, for the time being, is sound mind and you can use it to look at circumstances any which way you want.

About Anthony Boyd

I go by the alias Anthony Boyd & this blog is my series of theses on philosophy, spirituality, physical expression of strength & human behavior through self-reflective spoken & written word. I’ve been a Union Delegate for 6 years. During this time I have developed countless leadership skills that I’ll be sharing with you all on this blog. Leadership is something I’ve develop through hours of research, strength training & personal application of growth strategies. I started this blog with the intention of disseminating the leadership & developments skills I’ve attained over the past 6 years as a leader because there is a huge need for male leadership. It has developed into a conduit for sharing these ideas in hopes that others can gain insight from them as well. Two things have always been constant in my three decades of life on Earth, my ability to express myself through the word & my unquenchable curiosity of everything around me. Combine that with my obsession with strength training, personal development & we have this blog. It is my hope that I can provide endless value, insight and perspective gained through experience as a leader to the readership I have developed here.

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