The inspiration of this article, how to be attractive, came directly from a Quora question I answered last night. It is based around the inner workings of how attraction is built.
I started answering it then realized it was getting long and decided to turn it into a full on article on how to be attractive in order to share with more men.
The question was:
As I walk a thin line trying to avoid sounding like a dating column or a pick up artist coach, I am going to attempt to explain my position on how to be attractive.
The reason I focus in on attraction is because many men don’t seem to understand that women aren’t bound to “if-then” sequences when it comes to attraction.
“If I have money then she should ‘be mine.’”
“If I’m handsome then she should be attracted to me.”
“If I’m a nice guy then how come she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend.”
Guys, it doesn’t work like this. When it comes to love, romance, attraction, women don’t always operate along the lines of logic.
She has to be attracted to you.
There has to be that “it”’factor about you, and I don’t mean pennywise.
This was my answer:
“The one reason I am going to ask that you focus on is “attraction.” Being handsome could be an objective fact. It could be subjective which your question illustrates but despite all of that, you have to get a woman to be attracted to you. Being handsome doesn’t guarantee attraction and NOT being handsome doesn’t disqualify you from being attractive.
Focus on ways to generate attraction. You can start by realizing that you are enough as you are then build on that. One way to do this is to go out to a party or club, get a non-alcoholic drink from the bar and HAVE FUN. Genuinely HAVE FUN. You will notice that others come around and want to be in your space. THAT is a form of attraction.
We can use the analogy of gravitational pull when it comes to how to be attractive. Physics states that the denser an object is, the more gravity it has or something like that. When you continuously ADD to your center of mass, you will build attraction. What can you add? Well I’m glad you asked. You can add things like:
• interests, hobbies, knowledge, etc
• change your career if you’re feeling stagnant(this goes back to having fun. If you’re not having fun in your career that will effect other areas of your life and make you a bore to be around)
Remember, you are enough. Start with that but ADD to yourself.
If you have a particular woman in mind that you like, build a rapport with her. When you build rapport, you’ll build attraction. Get to know her. Be yourself. If you are having fun in life AND have a lot of things going on within your center of mass, you will probably be attractive to her. If not, move on.
When it comes to attraction you have to learn how to talk to people by speaking to a stranger every day. When you speak to a stranger everyday, no matter who it is, any predisposition to the halo effect releases its hold on you. The halo effect is basically over estimating someone’s qualities because you “like them so much.” By learning to talk to people on a day to day basis, you put everyone on the same footing and it will be easier to build attraction by not even trying.
These are just a few things off the top of my head that will help you to build attraction. I read the question and that’s the only conclusion I can come to as to why you might be single.
Let’s elaborate on attraction and how to be attractive
I’m going to go over a few things in this answer to elaborate on how to be attractive.
Again first and foremost, the young lady has to be attracted to you. If there is no sort of attraction then she will not be your girl. Simple.
Many men are missing that part. It doesn’t matter if you make $500,000 a year, 6’5” and have a 10 inch dick. If there is no attraction for whatever reason, she will not be with you.
She will pick an unemployed, broke, loser over the likes of you because there is some sort of attraction there. Despite the fact that he is mean to her, despite the fact that he cheats, despite all of those things, there is some sort of attraction between them.
How To Be Attractive 101: In order to build attraction you have to know that you are enough
When you’re learning how to be attractive you need to understand that you are enough as is. But we won’t stop here.
When it comes to attraction understanding that you are enough as is and bringing that energy to the world is powerful.
When I go out, whether if it’s with a group of people of if I happen to be by myself for whatever reason, I make it a point to have fun.
By having fun I ALWAYS attract others who are having fun as well. I usually end up leaving with more connections than I came with. Having fun, being yourself and knowing you are enough is force that builds attraction over time.
Understand that nobody wants to fuck with you if you are a bore. Nobody wants to be around you if you aren’t happy. If you want to learn how to be attractive, learn how to enjoy your own company.
How will you build attraction with women if you can’t learn to be happy on your own.
It’s unattractive when a person does not believe they are enough. It is like the stink of death.
If you don’t think YOU are enough, what makes you think someone else will? Especially women. They don’t want the burden of building your insecure ass up.(some do but that’s another story.)
The Equation For Attraction: Mg = F
So I’m going to attempt to explain attraction using this physics equation where M = mass(in grams), g = 9.8 m/s^2 and F(in Newton’s) is the force on the object or in this case…attraction.
Note* g in this case is dealing with earth objects. But…pay attention god dammit!
This is a simple equation. In this equation YOU are M and F is your force of attraction. Now watch carefully. If you are currently a 3, which is who you are now, you are enough but you’re a fucking 3, (You’re a 3 that could probably bad mad baddies but…well, you’re kinda lame at the moment), the equation looks like this:
3*9.8m/s^2= 29.4 Newtons
So you’re at a 29.4N. That’s your current force of attraction.
What if we were to bump your mass up from a 3 to an 8?
8*9.8m/s^2 = 78.4 Newton’s
Well would you look at that? Your force of attraction increased about 49 points by adding 5 grams to your center of mass.
This is literally how attraction works in human social dynamics. The more you have in your center of mass, the stronger your attraction will be. This is at the core of how to be attractive, density.
In the question you see I urge the young man to add more to himself as a guarantee that he will become more attractive if he does so.
Create a whole world that you can share with your woman. This world has to be consistent with what’s within and the attraction will be strong.
Learn How To Be Attractive By Learning How To Build rapport
Straight up, some of you think that a woman should just drop everything and be with you just because.
Bro, she doesn’t even know you, relax. I never understood why men get offended when women “reject” them.
Typically when a woman “rejects” you, she’s rejecting who you presented to her, which is some dude, some stranger she doesn’t even know.
Try talking to her like a regular person. Drop the game. Don’t be a lame. Just talk to her.
If you build your center of mass like you’re suppose to, she will make it easy for you to talk to her, even if you’re lame as fuck when it comes to conversation.
Sometimes you won’t need to say shit. They will come to YOU if they sense you’re about something.
I have women approach me all the time. I noticed the longer I live, the more women I attract because I am learning and adding to my center of mass everyday.
If you don’t have anything going on, you shouldn’t even be trying to get any play.
Work on yourself then go out and be presentable.
Killing The “Halo Effect”
“I actually get pretty ridiculous with it but it works. I go as far as to say that these women are most likely going to get shit faced drunk, leave the club, eat some greasy pizza and halal food, go home and take one of the NASTIEST shits EVER.”me
Here’s a simple exercise to beat the halo effect but before I give it to you, here’s the definition:
“A simplified example of the halo effect is when an individual noticing that the person in the photograph is attractive, well groomed, and properly attired, assumes, using a mental heuristic, that the person in the photograph is a good person based upon the rules of that individual’s social concept.”Wikipedia
Everyday day I want you to speak to 5 random strangers. It could be anywhere. Just strike up a conversation with them.
This will help your realize that people are humans with feelings, flaws, problems, fears, etc.
I see a lot of dudes get hung up on women because they are beautiful. To the point that they want to “drink their bath water.”
First of all, that’s fuckin nasty, secondly, she’s human just like you.
Every time I go to the club with my homies and we see a bunch of fine women all around, I have to remind them that they are just human.
I actually get pretty ridiculous with it but it works. I go as far as to say that these women are most likely going to get shit faced drunk, leave the club, eat some greasy pizza and halal food, go home and take one of the NASTIEST shits EVER.
Come to find out that this is a technique that the stoics use to use back in the day in order to keep their desires at bay.
I forgot what it’s called but I’ll update this article when I come across it.
It’s basically seeing things as they are.
Sex is just grinding your genitalia in and out of another humans.
That woman’s body that you must after is a combination of mucus, flesh, blood and bone. You are the one that is giving it all this hype.
They look at me like I’m crazy when I use this method but it works. Women are human too. Treat them as such and take them off a pedestal, they don’t want to be up there all the time.
I can go on and on about my theories behind attraction but this is not that kind of piece.
I wanted to state my case that just because you are handsome and have a good personality or whatever other trivial thing you got going on, doesn’t mean that you should have a girlfriend.
Attraction is what dictates whether you have a girlfriend or not.
Internalize then statements and exercises above and see how that work for you.
That’s all I have for now.
Until next time, boys!
– Anthony Boyd
This is the first time I’ve written an article of this nature. If you would like to see more dating and romance stuff on this site, drop a comment below. Maybe we can generate more conversation around this topic. If not, then this will be the only article of this kind on this website.