It’s one of those posts that you have to fill in an answer but it doesn’t give you much room to write a complete well thought out response.
For some reason, this question angered me. Annoyed me even.
I thought to myself:
“Why is this guy asking this?”
The story proceeded to follow up the question with an inquiry into philosophy and psychology. So I thought I would add this topic to the short list of what I wanted to talk about on my podcast. I was only going to talk about one thing which was the mythical entity, the doppelgänger but I said this will make a decent addition.
But do people change?
The Answer is No
Fundamentally people do NOT change. As a matter of fact, people are born being who they are going to be for their whole life.
I am not a proponent of the theory of “tabula rasa” which is the theory of the state of the mind before any external impressions are added to it.
We are who we are. This means that we stay who we are on an operative level. We have an operating system that makes us who we are, how we behave and the choices we make.
Sure, we can change the way we do many different things but the essence of who are truly are are in-built. So you can guess which side I am on when it comes to the nature vs nurture argument.
Our DNA sets the tone for us from the jump. And there isn’t anything you can do about that.
So the answer is no. People do NOT change.
Here’s what changes
Now that we know that people, their essence, their core doesn’t change. What about people changes? If we look closer at that question and zoom into “about people” we can look at what motivates a person and the state of motivation itself.
The state of motivation is ever changing. At one moment we are motivated to do one thing or another. It is a fickle entity.
This is essentially what changes about, or in other words, around a person.
The motivations that drive a person is dictated by many factors. The one main factor that should motivate a person, they are divorced from entirely.
So we are left with the prevailing winds of society. The flavor of ambition of the moment. Trends. Whether it is the latest hustle, fashion, newest social media platform, etc.
We can be motivated by a specific circumstance or family upbringing that may not align with who we are.
Why is this key to understanding the answer of the question “Do people change?”
Because you’re manipulative
That’s right. You’re asking this question because you want to manipulate people. Why do you care if people change or not if you aren’t interested in manipulating them?
I’m going to posit that you want people to fit into the mold you have of them. When you get into a relationship, or have a love interest. Everything is going well until they start behaving in ways that you don’t like.
This goes for men and women. We all seem to have a preconceived set of notions of how our lovers are to behave, think and feel.
I even go as far as saying that when we first meet these love interests that we KNEW who they were from the start but for some reason, whether it was because of attraction or a possible opportunity, we ignored their true nature.
Then when we realize we can’t have our way with them, we run to the internet to start finding out if people change and potentially HOW we can get them to change.
To the actualized person, whether a person changes or not is of no consequence to them because they know that people are not to be controlled.
But if you made it this far and want to know how to manipulate people, I’ll give you a hint.
You remember those motivations we spoke about earlier? Yes. Figure out a person’s motivations and you’ll have them wrapped around your finger.
There is another side to this equation. Although I am giving you a hard time about the question, “do people change?” we are simultaneously addressing the uncanny, unspoken rule that many people do not want to observe.
That relationships are conditional.
Whether you want to believe this or not, if you are in a relationship with someone, no matter the nature, they are in this relationship with you for a reason.
It may be that being associated with you in one form or another brings them status. It also may be a transactional relationship of some sort as well. Either way this is the side of the equation or the essential question of this article that you have to look at if you want to get what you want from people.
It’s as simple as this. Find out what the other person wants and give it to them. But, they have to give you want you want in return.
When it comes to relationships, I myself won’t admit that it is conditional. I like to think that people associate with me because they genuinely like me.
But if you clicked on this article and made it this far, look into it.
If you made it this far, I want to let you know that I have a podcast now. I am 15 episodes in and I would for you to check it out here. It’s available on all podcasting platforms including Spotify and Apple.