9 Tactics To Outwit Self Pity: How To Dig Yourself Out Of A Rut

Reading Time: 9 minutes

These are the pieces I love to write. I love to write these pieces because they are the ones that will create a 1% consciousness in my audience in the long run.

I say this because I’ve noticed a sudden influx of outspokenness against personal development content.

It doesn’t surprise me though. Many people love to wallow in mediocrity. They want to be left alone to be idle in the abyss of never ending content on Netflix, Hulu, TV, etc.

Nothing is wrong with binge watching a show here and there. Hell, I’ve gotten some create inspiration for content from binge watching a few shows.

But what’s with people being repulsed by content that’s not even directed toward them?

I have a theory. They are guarding the identity they’ve built around self-pity.

I know it all too well. I was there before.

I use to blame everyone else for my problems. And oh I had a lot of problems.

There’s some things in my past that were out of my control that messed me up pretty badly. But ,alas, I didn’t have time to wallow in self pity too long.

No, my friends, I had to move on because apparently life itself does not give a rats ass about what you’re “going through.”

So, I learned to level up. And now I’m passing on what I’ve learned to YOU so that you don’t waste time going through what I did.

It’s all here. Spread out through all of my articles, if you pay attention, you will find that silver thread running through all of my work. Connecting each piece is a theme. It’s what I’m all about. It’s one of the things I know the most.

So what do you say we get started. Shall we?

What is self pity?

Self pity is excessive brooding and unhappiness over ones own troubles.

It is completely useless. You know why people do it? Because they were programmed to have self pity.

It becomes the easiest thing to do when trouble brews.

You can free yourself from it. It will take a bit of time but it’s well worth it.

Here are 9 ways to overcome self pity.

1 — Stop Complaining

Photo: Omar Prestwich Via Unsplash

I use to complain a lot. I did it because I thought it was what people did. But it’s not something that people do. It’s what losers do.

Losers complain. Every now and again I still complain.

I complain about how my video game stacks the opposition unfairly against me.

Here’s what I’ve learned from Call Of Duty’s crappy “skill based match making,” lose with dignity.

What is SBMM? So real quick, SBMM is a way for the game to balance teams.

In a nutshell, the better you do, the harder your opposition is. The game puts you against opponents that are supposedly your skill level.

But the game is flawed. If you performed well in your past few games, the game will place your against opponents that are tough to beat. You might end up having to “carry” your whole time.

Now some people respond to this by complaining. I do a bit of complaining but I don’t form my identity around it.

No one likes to lose. BUT it is important to lose with dignity.

Why? Because when you learn to lose with dignity, you root out the weeds of self pity.

Self pity, when left unchecked, will metastasize throughout your whole mental system. It will possess everything within your being. It will make you sick.

Stop complaining. Lose with dignity.

If it is your fate to fail, learn to love it.

The stoics called it “amor fati” which translates to “Love of fate.”

2 — Choose Your Words Wisely

Photo: Brett Jordan Via Unsplash

Words have capacity. Words aren’t just words, they are spells you cast on your mind.

Your subconscious is the most important part of your psyche. It makes up a majority of your mental faculties.

Everything springs forth from the subconscious mind. What’s amazing about the subconscious mind is that it believes everything you tell it.

So while you’re sitting around throwing a pity party, your subconscious is soaking up everything you tell it in those moments.

Self pity is particularly harmful for the express reason that when you emotionalize the things you say to yourself, your subconscious mind accepts it much quicker.

This is why it is imperative that you get out the habit of self pity.

When you tell yourself things such as:

“My life sucks, no one will ever love me, I’m a failure, I’m stupid,”

Your subconscious mind believe each and every word you say. But when you say:

“My life is a gift from God, my life is great, I am powerful, I am intelligent, success is my birthright, I am beautiful,”

Your subconscious mind believes that as well!

These phrases are called “affirmations.”

8 years ago I learned the true power of the subconscious mind. I had a small one bedroom basement apartment in Mount Vernon at the time.

I read a book called “Think and Grow Rich” By Napoleon Hill. It was then that I learned the power of thought. That is what affirmations are. Thoughts.

Affirmations can be constructive or destructive.

Self pity activity is a form of destructive affirmation.

Use the power of this concept to turn the tables.

Instead of self pity, boost your self esteem by telling yourself wonderful, beautiful things.

Let the voice inside your head be friendly, comforting and edifying by installing positive affirmations.

If you find this difficult to do, all it takes is a bit of programming.

In my old basement apartment I use to type of affirmations, print them and tape them to my walls. One by my room door, one by my bathroom door, one by the exit, one over my bed, all over my apartment until I’ve established a positive presence in my mind.

3 — Reverse Engineering

Photo: Thisisengineering RAEng Via Unsplash

Instead of self pity, reverse engineer.

You need a goal. Do you have one? Find o it what that goal is and work backwards to the first step you need to take and then follow it all the way to your goal.

You see, self pity cannot live within the mind of a person driven by purpose.

When you have a definite chief aim in life, you will devote all of your mental resources to that aim. This serves to starve the self pity entity.

You will no longer have time to self pity yourself. It is likely that the thought to self pity will never occur to you again because you know what it is you need to do.

When you plan your way to your goal, what’s there to brood about?

You’ll be locked in on your chief aim, working around the clock to achieve it.

I’m not trying to come off as one of those people who is pushing “toxic positivity” or whatever ridiculous terms they have these days, but one thing you can always do in life no matter how bad things get is “aim up.”

I learned that from Jordan B. Peterson. He states that no matter what, we can always aim up. That statement has stuck with me for over two years now.

We mustn’t let the weeds take the garden. We have to make an effort to push against opposition or we will become trapped by the crushed weight of mediocrity.

4 — Be consistent & Persistent

Photo: Holden Baxter Via Unsplash

Never stop. If you want to reap the rewards you must keep going.

When you stop, self pity starts. Here’s how.

You stop to take a break then guess what? A day goes by. Then two days. Then 3 days. Next thing you know 6 months go by. Then a year.

Now you’ve gotten rusty. You try to start again but you have no more “go.” This is due to one of the laws of physics, “an object at rest tends to stay at rest” or something like that.

Look, you have to keep going. No matter how slow you go you must keep going.

When self pity catches you slipping it’s no telling when you will be able to break free from her clutches.

If you want to become successful at anything at all you have to remember to be patient, consistent, persistent and endure.

If you are patient and endure while missing the consistency and persistence, that endurance turns into stagnation. And that stagnation turns in depression. This is where self pity gets you. This is why you must keep going.

5 — Read Every Article On My Website

Bad Buddhism – A Menace To Your ConscienceJoin intellectual pragmatist, Anthony Boyd for illuminating discourse that will change the way you think. This website…www.badbuddhism.com

I kid you not, within these articles I do my best to be as authentic as I can in order to tell you what it takes to develop personal power through practical psychology.

My website shows what consistency can do for your craft if you work at it.

In the beginning my articles were trash. After 3 years they are a little less trash than they were.

In five years they should be somewhat “good.” This is the attitude you need to have when working on something great.

Humility. Knowing that this thing never stops.

You can choose today to allow for personal power to be your craft. Just work at it. Self pity has no mercy.

So show no mercy but constantly stoking the flames of success, whatever it is you consider success, that is.

6 — Pay It Forward

Photo: Monica Melton Via Unsplash

You learn and solidify everything you know by teaching other people.

Don’t be stingy with the “secrets” you’ve learned over the years. If you want to compound your value, help others win too.

This is great affirmation activity that guarantees you’ll never suffer from self pity. Being of value to others is one of the greatest jobs you can have.

One of the payments is that it is a great feeling knowing that you’ve changed peoples lives.

I’ve gotten messages that nearly brought me to tears because my words reached people in need.

What are the chances that something I typed on a screen changed someone’s life?

It’s extremely hard to wallow in any kind of self pity after that.

This is why you work on yourself. Not just for yourself but for others as well.

7 — Don’t Argue With Idiots & Naysayers

Photo: Reinhart Julian Via Unsplash

Here’s a little warning. The people around you that are use to seeing you wallow in self pity will try to remind you of your past. They will use all sorts of reasons as to why you should sit back and feel sorry for yourself.

Theres a long list of premises people will use.

These are the defeatist doomers.

They say you can’t succeed because you’re: black, white, sexist, ugly, too good looking, because of where you’re from.

They’ll say that sexism, racism, ableism, ageism and every other “-ism” out there will hold you back.

Don’t listen to them. Tune them out.

Delete your social media, delete YouTube get rid of WhatsApp and focus on YOU.

I’m telling you. It’s time to disconnect from the negativity of the world. If you want to reach the higher vibrational dimensions of life, DISCONNECT from these people.

Of course it will be hard. These are your friends, your family.

Many times they’re your brothers and sisters. They could be your parents(oh how o it parents fucked us up.)

Nevertheless, you must disconnect. You have to make the decision to leave behind old ways.

8 — Be Optimistic

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Always see the silver lining in every situation.

A lot of things go wrong and a lot of things will go wrong ad infinitum. This is unavoidable.

Your job is to see the silver lining. Don’t be problem focussed. Be faith focussed.

Being an optimist is practical. Even if the world is going to shit, you can be optimistic.

You can imagine a new world coming in its place. Being pessimistic is only going to beget more events to be pessimistic about.

And I don’t even mean that I’m some woo-woo esoteric way.

There’s a little thing called “confirmation bias.” Confirmation bias is a function of your Reticular Activation System. Your RAS scopes out relevant pieces of information and only shows them to you. Or you can think of it as a filter.

Depending on what your attitude is, your RAS will “paint” targeted information for you by seemingly letting them standout.

When you’re optimistic, you’ll find that you have more to be grateful for. You’ll find that you have more to be optimistic about.

9 — Keep An Open Mind

Photo by Kimberly Farmer on Unsplash

Be willing to learn new things everyday.

Read.

Read.

Read.

An idle mind is a wasted mind. A wasted mind wallows in self pity and crippling sub clinical depression.

Take initiative to learn new things. Be proactive about reading things that you wouldn’t normally read. This will have your brain firing and wiring in different patterns.

Another thing, have conversations with people that you know you wouldn’t agree with:

Mechanisms Of The Decline Of Civil Discourse

This is gold when it comes to getting out of and staying out of a rut. This forces you to lock into the present moment in order to exercise empathy.

You’ll start to form a new schema for the world.

Whatever you do, do not give into the self pity. Many people are rooting against you. They are hoping that you will turn out to be just as miserable as they are.

I’m rooting FOR you. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.

Always choose the light.

About Anthony Boyd

I go by the alias Anthony Boyd & this blog is my series of theses on philosophy, spirituality, physical expression of strength & human behavior through self-reflective spoken & written word. I’ve been a Union Delegate for 6 years. During this time I have developed countless leadership skills that I’ll be sharing with you all on this blog. Leadership is something I’ve develop through hours of research, strength training & personal application of growth strategies. I started this blog with the intention of disseminating the leadership & developments skills I’ve attained over the past 6 years as a leader because there is a huge need for male leadership. It has developed into a conduit for sharing these ideas in hopes that others can gain insight from them as well. Two things have always been constant in my three decades of life on Earth, my ability to express myself through the word & my unquenchable curiosity of everything around me. Combine that with my obsession with strength training, personal development & we have this blog. It is my hope that I can provide endless value, insight and perspective gained through experience as a leader to the readership I have developed here.

Add to the discussion...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: